Do you ever just lay in bed and realize how not okay you are
I suppose I love my scars because they have stayed with me longer than most people have.
- Nikita Gill (via meanwhilepoetry)
He was so easy to love. He made you feel safe. When he held your hand it was like you were flying. When he kissed your face you felt like you could fly. He made crossing the road feel like an adventure; with his hand on the small of your back. He laughed at things easily, he was soft, gentle, kind. He understood when you were quiet, when you were loud. He listened. He listened to your words, and he listened to your silence. “Come here,” he would say, with his arms open wide, and you would go. “Stay,” he would beg, and you would stay and you would stay and you would stay.
- Sue Zhao (via blossomfully)
Oh how I wanted to say that I missed him.
How I wanted to call him and start a stupid conversation the way we used to do. How I wanted to ask him something ridiculous like did he like cats, like what did he think of the colour blue, like did he still love me, like did he ever? Did he ever love me at all?
And how I wanted to sit on his bed and rest my head on his chest and listen to the sound of his heartbeat. Or sit on the floor of his room and let him kiss me and let him kiss me and let him kiss me again.
Or, oh, how I wanted to go back to the beginning, to the first day when he approached me. How I wanted to leave so he’d never told me his name and I’d never told him mine.
Q: Do you love yourself?
Yes. Oh how I want to say yes.
Because, well, when someone says something mean, it doesn’t take me all day to get over it anymore.
And when I do something clumsy, or say something stupid, I laugh because I know I’ll never be defined by a single action, a single mistake. I laugh because sometimes it’s healthy to laugh at yourself.
I want to say yes, I do love myself.
Because, well, when I look in the mirror I no longer have the urge to cry.
Because sometimes - most of the time, when I have negative thoughts, I am able to counteract them.
I want to say yes. I really do.
But then I remember last Friday, when I wasn’t so kind to myself. I remember the things I said. I remember the way I was deliberately cruel.
I want to say yes.
But then I remember the fact that I still have this thought at the back of my mind that I will never be intelligent enough to achieve everything that I want to achieve, that I will never fulfil my purpose in life, that I will never be enough of this or that I will always be too much of that. I remember and then I feel a little sick.
If you asked me for a black and white answer for whether I loved myself, I’d say yes. Because I do love myself a whole lot more than I did a year ago.
The truth is yes, sure, I love myself. But that doesn’t mean I always like the way I am. And yes, okay, I love myself, but that doesn’t mean I always treat myself right.
And yes, yes of course I love myself, but sometimes we do destructive things in the name of love, and sometimes we don’t treat our loved ones well and sometimes we hurt them because we are only human and here’s the only certain part of this whole reply: I am only human. I am only human.
asked by Anonymous
